Why is the World So Cold, Mother?
Written by Molli Eckart
In the Grimm Brothers’ fairy tales, “Cinderella” and “Snow White,” the deaths of the protagonists’ mothers are, although casually mentioned, a major point in the tales. Had the mothers not died, the protagonists would not have had to face their first loss of a loved one that destroys their perfect idea of life. This makes the mothers’ death not only the force behind early independence and maturing with an understanding of the world without a mother, but also the element that sparks the parallelism between a young boy’s maturation in fairy tales.
Death of mothers in fairy tales are not a rare thing. Many fairy tales other than “Cinderella” and “Snow White” contain the death of the protagonist’s mother and usually it happens in the beginning of the story. Before fairy tales, oral folk lore was the telling of fantasy stories and passing the tales from generation to generation. In the time the oral folk lore was going on, the world was not the same as it is today. The medical technology was immensely different than it is now. Due to this weakness in medicine, it was not uncommon for women to die during or soon after child birth. It was a reality for many children in that time period to grow up without their birth mother and their father most likely remarried soon after. Although fairy tales are fantastical there is a bit of reality in them when the mother dies early in the child’s life and they are faced with the “evil” stepmother. In representing this common situation, fairy tales reveal the tensions and hostility that can be found in those families. (Smith 107)
In Grimm’s versions of “Cinderella” and “Snow White”, both young girls are left motherless in the very beginning of the tale. However, there were some differences between the losses. Snow White suffers from the common fairy tale death of her mother at child birth. She never had the chance to get to know and be nurtured by her mother. Cinderella on the other hand, was older when her mother died. Her mother fell sick and was able to say goodbye to her only daughter before she passed away. This is one major difference between the losses of the two girls. Yet they were both still exposed to the hatred of a stepmother. Their fathers married very soon after the death of the girls’ mothers. Cinderella’s stepmother brought two daughters of her own with her into the marriage, while Snow White’s stepmother did not.
Freud’s theory of the loss of a loved object can be connected with the fairy tales. Hansjorg Hohr argues that Cinderella and Snow White accepting the loss of their mothers would signify what Freud called the “task of mourning” (Hohr 9). Freud argues that mourning is the natural response when one losses a loved one. That person will go through the normal stages of mourning, such as feeling deserted or feeling as if the world is empty without the person they love. However, eventually they begin to move on and the person will return to normal after mourning. In the fairy tales, the mother is gone and can no longer nurture and care for the child. The mourning is due to not only the loss of the mother they love, but also the loss of their natural protector and provider. The loss of the mother forces the child to become independent faster than they planned or were expected to. In Snow White’s case, her mother was lost at child birth. Due to her young age, Snow White does not go through the mourning process. She did not lose a loved object because she was never able to build love for her mother. Cinderella had a much different story. She was older when her mother died and had grown to love and feel safety from her. The fairy tale include the details of Cinderella crying at her mother’s grave and deeply grieving her loss. This reveals her state of mourning that Freud discusses. This causes Cinderella to mature differently than Snow White. Cinderella’s maturity is shown by accepting the loss of her mother and then understanding what she must do in order to keep her step family happy. Most children do not understand this behavior for a long time. She knows she does not have her loving mother around to protect her from the cruel tasks the stepmother gives her, so she does what she can to control the environment and situation that she is in. Cinderella then furthers her maturity when she recognizes the spiritual presence of her mother in the bird. She has completed her mourning of her mother’s death when the bird appears in the tale, and now she is able to accept the loss but still feel comfort in the presence of her mother’s spirit in the bird watching over her. Snow White, however, had to mature in a different way. She never had to grieve over her lost mother nor accept the death. She was too young when it happened and there was never a bond built between her and her mother. Snow White showed her maturity when the huntsman was about to kill her and she begged to be left in the forest and said she would never come back as long as he let her live. Snow White was only seven years old at that time. Being left in the woods to survive on her own symbolizes being pushed out into the world without a mother to protect her. The woods was filled with wild animals, thorns, and rocks that can harm her at any moment and that she has to be aware of. In reality, the world is full of dangerous, evil things that can hurt anyone at any moment. Most young girls and boys have their mothers to protect them until they learn what to look out for and how to stay safe, but some, like Snow White, do not. She is forced to learn on her own and adapt to what she is faced with. This is when Snow White had to find independence on her own. Had she lost her mother when she was older like Cinderella, she might have gone through the same mourning stage and could have decided to find a way to deal with her stepmother instead of choose to never return home.
Cinderella’s recognition of her mother’s spiritual presence shows another difference between her and Snow White’s maturity. The thought of a spiritual presence looking down and protecting someone is a complicated idea to grasp. Cinderella had an advantage due to her age. She was older when her mother died so she knew her mother and the characteristics she portrayed. Cinderella cared for her mother deeply and was greatly affected when she passed away. She thought of all the positive aspects of her mother and therefore when the bird granted her wishes, she was able to connect the acts with her mother spiritually watching over her. Snow White lost her mother at birth. She was never able to feel the love and care that a mother provides. This prevented Snow White from associating positive characteristics with her mother and creating a connection with a spiritual presence of her mother the way Cinderella does. The spiritual comfort of Cinderella’s mother contributes to Cinderella’s ability to stay in her house and put up with the treatment she receives from her stepfamily. Also, the fact the grave of Cinderella’s mother was near the house could be another factor keeping Cinderella from leaving the conditions of her home.
The death of a young girl’s mother, causing her to be pushed into the world and be exposed to evils without the protection of her mother can be paralleled with the coming of age of boys in fairy tales. It is common that in order for a boy to prove himself and become a man, he must go out and fight a dragon or monster of some sort. The boys in those tales are usually unnoticed by their fathers and feel the need to grab his attention through bravery. Famous child psychologist Bruno Bettelheim argues that the fairy tales even “disguise threatening fathers as dragons or other monsters so that they can be killed by their sons without guilt” (Smith 107). This shows not only the fight for affection from the father but also the resentment of the father’s authority that can be felt by the son. The death of mothers for girls can be viewed in the same way. The death is what pushes them to mature and become independent. Then, the stepmother is cast as an evil character that is cruel to the young girl. The stepmother is given all of the negative characteristics that a person can have: jealousy, cruelty, and even intent to kill the stepdaughter. The stepmother’s role is like the father disguised as the monster; the young girl can feel resentment and hatred for the stepmother without feeling guilty of thinking that way towards her real mother. Most parents are not perfect, and their children do have some dislike of certain aspects of their parents. Instead of letting those feelings be cast on the actual birth mothers or fathers, fairy tales create evil characters to portray the negative traits of parents. This idea plays in the fact that most mothers are either “better or more evil than the average human women” (Birkhauser-Oeri 13). Snow White’s stepmother was the “fairest of all” but also wanted to eat Snow White’s lungs and livers. Not only does her extreme beauty make her stand out, but also her desire for Snow White to be dead so no one can surpass the stepmother’s beauty. She also wants to eat Snow White’s remains, which goes beyond most human’s hatred.
Cinderella and Snow White’s mothers’ deaths serve another purpose as well. Not only does it force the girls to become mature and independent at a young age, but it also opens their eyes to the reality of the real world. Mothers protect their children as long as they can from the judgment, hate, and malice that others bring into the world. However, once they reach a certain age, children are exposed to these elements. There is a phase where mothers help the child through any conflict they have, but there comes a time where their son or daughter must face the world and fight their own fights. This is what shows maturity and independence in life; the girl or boy realizes the world isn’t all happy and perfect and that they have to face battles that their mothers cannot help them with. Snow White realizes this when she is with the huntsman in the woods. However she still has a lot to learn because she does not have her mother to protect her and she does not listen to the dwarves when they tell her not to open the door for anyone. Cinderella is pushed into coming to terms with reality when her mother dies. She is much more hurt by the loss than Snow White is and strongly grieves losing her mother. Another stab from reality comes to Cinderella when her father remarries and brings a cruel stepmother and stepsisters in her life. She is forced to live with people who torture her and her father does nothing about it. It is her mother in the form of a bird that comes to Cinderella’s rescue, signifying the true nurturing nature of a birth mother with her child.
Although briefly mentioned, the death of mothers in fairy tales is a crucial event that affects the child in more than one way. While boys go off and fight dragons to prove themselves, girls are faced with jealous stepmothers that plot to ruin their life. Boys become men by killing a monster while girls are faced the challenge of becoming mature and independent in a world without a mother. Some, like Cinderella, are able to survive off the spiritual presence of their mothers. Other, like Snow White, are forced to find their way through the forest of life. This exposes the struggles and effects a child can face while trying to grow up without the nurturing of a mother in not only fairy tales but the real world as well. Revealing that all “happily ever after” stories don’t always have a pleasant and cheerful beginning.
Death of mothers in fairy tales are not a rare thing. Many fairy tales other than “Cinderella” and “Snow White” contain the death of the protagonist’s mother and usually it happens in the beginning of the story. Before fairy tales, oral folk lore was the telling of fantasy stories and passing the tales from generation to generation. In the time the oral folk lore was going on, the world was not the same as it is today. The medical technology was immensely different than it is now. Due to this weakness in medicine, it was not uncommon for women to die during or soon after child birth. It was a reality for many children in that time period to grow up without their birth mother and their father most likely remarried soon after. Although fairy tales are fantastical there is a bit of reality in them when the mother dies early in the child’s life and they are faced with the “evil” stepmother. In representing this common situation, fairy tales reveal the tensions and hostility that can be found in those families. (Smith 107)
In Grimm’s versions of “Cinderella” and “Snow White”, both young girls are left motherless in the very beginning of the tale. However, there were some differences between the losses. Snow White suffers from the common fairy tale death of her mother at child birth. She never had the chance to get to know and be nurtured by her mother. Cinderella on the other hand, was older when her mother died. Her mother fell sick and was able to say goodbye to her only daughter before she passed away. This is one major difference between the losses of the two girls. Yet they were both still exposed to the hatred of a stepmother. Their fathers married very soon after the death of the girls’ mothers. Cinderella’s stepmother brought two daughters of her own with her into the marriage, while Snow White’s stepmother did not.
Freud’s theory of the loss of a loved object can be connected with the fairy tales. Hansjorg Hohr argues that Cinderella and Snow White accepting the loss of their mothers would signify what Freud called the “task of mourning” (Hohr 9). Freud argues that mourning is the natural response when one losses a loved one. That person will go through the normal stages of mourning, such as feeling deserted or feeling as if the world is empty without the person they love. However, eventually they begin to move on and the person will return to normal after mourning. In the fairy tales, the mother is gone and can no longer nurture and care for the child. The mourning is due to not only the loss of the mother they love, but also the loss of their natural protector and provider. The loss of the mother forces the child to become independent faster than they planned or were expected to. In Snow White’s case, her mother was lost at child birth. Due to her young age, Snow White does not go through the mourning process. She did not lose a loved object because she was never able to build love for her mother. Cinderella had a much different story. She was older when her mother died and had grown to love and feel safety from her. The fairy tale include the details of Cinderella crying at her mother’s grave and deeply grieving her loss. This reveals her state of mourning that Freud discusses. This causes Cinderella to mature differently than Snow White. Cinderella’s maturity is shown by accepting the loss of her mother and then understanding what she must do in order to keep her step family happy. Most children do not understand this behavior for a long time. She knows she does not have her loving mother around to protect her from the cruel tasks the stepmother gives her, so she does what she can to control the environment and situation that she is in. Cinderella then furthers her maturity when she recognizes the spiritual presence of her mother in the bird. She has completed her mourning of her mother’s death when the bird appears in the tale, and now she is able to accept the loss but still feel comfort in the presence of her mother’s spirit in the bird watching over her. Snow White, however, had to mature in a different way. She never had to grieve over her lost mother nor accept the death. She was too young when it happened and there was never a bond built between her and her mother. Snow White showed her maturity when the huntsman was about to kill her and she begged to be left in the forest and said she would never come back as long as he let her live. Snow White was only seven years old at that time. Being left in the woods to survive on her own symbolizes being pushed out into the world without a mother to protect her. The woods was filled with wild animals, thorns, and rocks that can harm her at any moment and that she has to be aware of. In reality, the world is full of dangerous, evil things that can hurt anyone at any moment. Most young girls and boys have their mothers to protect them until they learn what to look out for and how to stay safe, but some, like Snow White, do not. She is forced to learn on her own and adapt to what she is faced with. This is when Snow White had to find independence on her own. Had she lost her mother when she was older like Cinderella, she might have gone through the same mourning stage and could have decided to find a way to deal with her stepmother instead of choose to never return home.
Cinderella’s recognition of her mother’s spiritual presence shows another difference between her and Snow White’s maturity. The thought of a spiritual presence looking down and protecting someone is a complicated idea to grasp. Cinderella had an advantage due to her age. She was older when her mother died so she knew her mother and the characteristics she portrayed. Cinderella cared for her mother deeply and was greatly affected when she passed away. She thought of all the positive aspects of her mother and therefore when the bird granted her wishes, she was able to connect the acts with her mother spiritually watching over her. Snow White lost her mother at birth. She was never able to feel the love and care that a mother provides. This prevented Snow White from associating positive characteristics with her mother and creating a connection with a spiritual presence of her mother the way Cinderella does. The spiritual comfort of Cinderella’s mother contributes to Cinderella’s ability to stay in her house and put up with the treatment she receives from her stepfamily. Also, the fact the grave of Cinderella’s mother was near the house could be another factor keeping Cinderella from leaving the conditions of her home.
The death of a young girl’s mother, causing her to be pushed into the world and be exposed to evils without the protection of her mother can be paralleled with the coming of age of boys in fairy tales. It is common that in order for a boy to prove himself and become a man, he must go out and fight a dragon or monster of some sort. The boys in those tales are usually unnoticed by their fathers and feel the need to grab his attention through bravery. Famous child psychologist Bruno Bettelheim argues that the fairy tales even “disguise threatening fathers as dragons or other monsters so that they can be killed by their sons without guilt” (Smith 107). This shows not only the fight for affection from the father but also the resentment of the father’s authority that can be felt by the son. The death of mothers for girls can be viewed in the same way. The death is what pushes them to mature and become independent. Then, the stepmother is cast as an evil character that is cruel to the young girl. The stepmother is given all of the negative characteristics that a person can have: jealousy, cruelty, and even intent to kill the stepdaughter. The stepmother’s role is like the father disguised as the monster; the young girl can feel resentment and hatred for the stepmother without feeling guilty of thinking that way towards her real mother. Most parents are not perfect, and their children do have some dislike of certain aspects of their parents. Instead of letting those feelings be cast on the actual birth mothers or fathers, fairy tales create evil characters to portray the negative traits of parents. This idea plays in the fact that most mothers are either “better or more evil than the average human women” (Birkhauser-Oeri 13). Snow White’s stepmother was the “fairest of all” but also wanted to eat Snow White’s lungs and livers. Not only does her extreme beauty make her stand out, but also her desire for Snow White to be dead so no one can surpass the stepmother’s beauty. She also wants to eat Snow White’s remains, which goes beyond most human’s hatred.
Cinderella and Snow White’s mothers’ deaths serve another purpose as well. Not only does it force the girls to become mature and independent at a young age, but it also opens their eyes to the reality of the real world. Mothers protect their children as long as they can from the judgment, hate, and malice that others bring into the world. However, once they reach a certain age, children are exposed to these elements. There is a phase where mothers help the child through any conflict they have, but there comes a time where their son or daughter must face the world and fight their own fights. This is what shows maturity and independence in life; the girl or boy realizes the world isn’t all happy and perfect and that they have to face battles that their mothers cannot help them with. Snow White realizes this when she is with the huntsman in the woods. However she still has a lot to learn because she does not have her mother to protect her and she does not listen to the dwarves when they tell her not to open the door for anyone. Cinderella is pushed into coming to terms with reality when her mother dies. She is much more hurt by the loss than Snow White is and strongly grieves losing her mother. Another stab from reality comes to Cinderella when her father remarries and brings a cruel stepmother and stepsisters in her life. She is forced to live with people who torture her and her father does nothing about it. It is her mother in the form of a bird that comes to Cinderella’s rescue, signifying the true nurturing nature of a birth mother with her child.
Although briefly mentioned, the death of mothers in fairy tales is a crucial event that affects the child in more than one way. While boys go off and fight dragons to prove themselves, girls are faced with jealous stepmothers that plot to ruin their life. Boys become men by killing a monster while girls are faced the challenge of becoming mature and independent in a world without a mother. Some, like Cinderella, are able to survive off the spiritual presence of their mothers. Other, like Snow White, are forced to find their way through the forest of life. This exposes the struggles and effects a child can face while trying to grow up without the nurturing of a mother in not only fairy tales but the real world as well. Revealing that all “happily ever after” stories don’t always have a pleasant and cheerful beginning.
Work Cited
Birkhauser-Oeri, Sibylle. “The Mother: The Archetypal Image in Fairy Tales.” The Journal of Analytical Psychology. Ed. Barbara Wharton. Toronto: Inner City Books, 1988. Web. 29 April 2014.
Hohr, Hansjorg. "Dynamic Aspects of Fairy Tales: Social and Emotional Competence Through Fairy Tales." Scandinavian Journal of Educational Research 44.1 (2000): 89-103. Academic Search Complete. Web. 23 Apr. 2014.
Smith, Wendy. "Happily Ever After: The Folk Tales Gathered By The Brothers Grimm Not Only Enchant Us; They Record The Hardships European Families Endured For Centuries." American Scholar 82.1 (2013): 105-108. Academic Search Complete. Web. 23 Apr. 2014.
Warner, Marina. "The Absent Mother: Women Against Women In Old Wives' Tales." History Today 41. (1991): 22-28. Humanities Full Text (H.W. Wilson). Web. 23 Apr. 2014
Birkhauser-Oeri, Sibylle. “The Mother: The Archetypal Image in Fairy Tales.” The Journal of Analytical Psychology. Ed. Barbara Wharton. Toronto: Inner City Books, 1988. Web. 29 April 2014.
Hohr, Hansjorg. "Dynamic Aspects of Fairy Tales: Social and Emotional Competence Through Fairy Tales." Scandinavian Journal of Educational Research 44.1 (2000): 89-103. Academic Search Complete. Web. 23 Apr. 2014.
Smith, Wendy. "Happily Ever After: The Folk Tales Gathered By The Brothers Grimm Not Only Enchant Us; They Record The Hardships European Families Endured For Centuries." American Scholar 82.1 (2013): 105-108. Academic Search Complete. Web. 23 Apr. 2014.
Warner, Marina. "The Absent Mother: Women Against Women In Old Wives' Tales." History Today 41. (1991): 22-28. Humanities Full Text (H.W. Wilson). Web. 23 Apr. 2014